By Jo Ann Riniti, Ph.D.
May I be safe and protected━
Strong and healed━and most of
All live with the ease and grace of
A loving heart
•••
Reciting this phrase is how I start my day. It helps to take the “sting out”━just a bit━as my heart is pierced each and every day with the multiple tragedies and natural disasters which have become a daily occurrence.
Whether you are reeling from the backdrop of COVID-19, the murder of George Floyd, the soaring temperatures, lightning strikes and subsequent wildfires━we are all in this together and we are in deep. It is no wonder we all feel dazed and confused. How could we not?
Jo Ann Riniti, Ph.D.
As a psychologist, I am marinated daily in these issues. Holding pieces of each person’s story, how they are particularly pierced━their struggles, their small yet significant successes, connections, ability to bridge the gap of fear with another human being.
We need one another. We are mammals, pack animals, village dwellers, and what we are being challenged with upsets the very core of our being. We desperately need to connect, to reach out to those we love, those in need, and at the same time there is a collective paralysis.
Fear━not just fear━terror. What is happening is too big, too much, it’s hard to know where to begin.
Trauma by definition is “exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury or sexual violence. Symptoms include intense psychological distress at exposure to internal/external cues (people, places, things), persistent negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, and the world.
Feelings of detachment from others, irritable behavior, sleep disturbances, exaggerated startle response, and at times a sense of unreality as if in a dream (DSM-5). Does this sound familiar?
I believe most, if not everyone is experiencing some of these symptoms and while they are disturbing and demanding of our time, effort and energy, there are some ways we can learn to help ourselves settle and soothe. To have moments of peace and stillness. To find a lily pad, an oasis of “Right now, I am okay.”
A few basis tips for self-care and stress reduction can go a long way. First, try to maintain healthy, sleeping and eating patterns.
Balanced diets with limited alcohol and sugar can give your body the fuel it needs to keep your immune system intact.
Exercise, even walking (when the air quality allows) is great! One foot in front of the other, not a race but a nature walk. Open your senses to your surroundings. Try and find “surprises” in the world, a new bird, flowers blooming, two squirrels playing tag.
Let your eyes search these experiences out and let them be there too next to the fear and uncertainty and breathe. Even if you don’t want to walk, take a few minutes each day to ground yourself, literally by placing both feet (barefoot is preferable) on the earth.
Feel your connection to the earth. You are Nature. We are all rooted to this earth, this planet. Imagine roots from the soles of your feet reaching down below into the earth, creating an underground network of root systems connecting to all other beings.
Feel how the roots of one reaches out to support, to connect to others, just as our majestic redwoods here in Aptos.
Take time for a daily body scan. Start at your head, noticing any tension or runaway thoughts, and try to send a deep breath to relax that furrowed brow. Spend a few minutes on your head, moving into chest, arms, belly, legs and toes. If you have trouble feeling a certain area, try squeezing that area tight (make a fist and then slowly release). Feel the difference of a tense vs. a relaxed muscle.
Make sure to connect with others, be it social distance, zoom, or any creative way you can find. Remember if you are using electronics, try to stay grounded in your own body while talking to someone. Experiment with ways of not feeling disconnected or “too heady.”
Have a glass of water nearby, share a story and memory that deeply connects you to another. And ask for help, for support with friends, family or a professional.
These are unprecedented times. Usually as a psychologist, I am not experiencing in “real time” the exact same traumas as my clients, allowing or affording some clinical distance/perspective. But these days, we are all in the same sea. Perhaps in different boats, but definitely in the same sea.
So, I get to and/or have to practice each and every day to help steady my own boat. There is no magic pill. I wish there were. But I do believe in the end, we all want the same thing-a safe place to land.
May we be beacons to one another and help one another stay clear of the rocks. May we each be granted safe passage. Keep on the lookout for “the helpers.” They are out there, sometimes where we would least expect it.
•••
JoAnn Riniti, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Aptos. She is practicing loving kindness with herself, her community and the four-legged friends who join her in the wilds of Redwood Village. She can be reached at 831-427-8282.